Talk your sh*t! (On the sexiness of confidence)

I'm not with that faux humility nonsense. Never been. Hopefully, never will be. I have listened to Jay-Z quite a lot this year. I believe at this point, I must have gone through about 4 years of his discography, and although I never really had an opinion (and largely prefer not to have one on people's choice of partners), I just want to say, Beyoncé, girrrl, I completely and fully understand (I find his voice extremely soothing too). What started out as an attempt to escape songs that might involve love and its derivatives turned into genuine excitement about listening to his music. My gait was different every time I had him in my ears. It was much appreciated, especially because I needed my mind fortified with some sprinkles of positive arrogance as I took my exams. Of course, he does not get all the credit for that. I get some of it, too, but he helped a little.

Some months ago, there was a viral clip of Timothee Chalamet on a press tour for his movie, Marty Supreme. He was talking about how he had put in the work in order to execute star-quality performances over the years, and did not want people to forget that. Somehow, the internet seemed very offended by this. I first saw it on Twitter (or whatever it is being called these days), and was genuinely confused; I thought I had missed some context, because I had taken some time off social media, and barely use twitter. Imagine my surprise when on Instagram, similar thoughts were replicated, and I saw people saying that they did not like him anymore because he needed to learn how to be humble. At that point, I decided to log out for a few more days. My incredulity at the reaction was so potent that I chose to believe that the responses, rather than Timothee's actions (as people suggested), were orchestrated as a PR move, because surely not.

Do not buy into what they say about waiting for people to acknowledge you. If no one else does it (and honestly, even if people do), toot your own horn, pat your own back, big up yourself. If you must, feel free to preface your sentences with "not to toot my own horn", to appease those who have nothing better to do than charge you with the crime of self-adulation (they'll still charge you, but you can fulfil all righteousness), then go ahead and toot it, if you have reason to. Loudly. Proudly. Unapologetically. Unabashedly. Talk yo' sh*t. 

Beauty fades, and at the end of the day, we will all be death's slaves. The world is all at once replete with and barren of goodness and generosity. The earth is dying, and still so alive. Nothing really makes sense. You are only here for an infinitesimal time, and afterwards, only so few amongst us will be remembered. Even if you are one of those, only the living get to bask in their glory. So if you think you have reason to, why not amplify whatever positives about yourself that you want to. People seem to care and at the same time, not care. So, why not just do what you want? As I said before, there is no blueprint to this. People will mock you if you brag, and mock you if you're overly apologetic, so you know, do whatever you are fully comfortable with. Think highly of yourself. No one else owes adoration to you but you. You can ponder upon the past later on, and laugh at the unfounded nature of your self-conviction, if you want to. But it is important that at present, you fiercely cheer for and validate yourself.

Since my hair has grown quite a bit, I have had people tell me they want to loc their hair too, but do not want to go through the short hair phase; some call it the "ugly" phase (whatever that means). It always makes me a little confused because I remember feeling very attractive from the very start of my hair journey. I did not register that I was going through that "phase" at the time that I apparently was, and I am grateful for that. Maybe it is because I did not know I was meant to be in that phase, or maybe because I could not associate the word ugly with myself. I guess we'll never know. But I must say that sometimes it is better not to hear the noise (as a precautionary measure) just in case it might affect you. My look has changed a lot since then, and although I much prefer the way I look these days, I am very pleased that I thought I looked wonderful at that point in time. Even looking back, I still do not associate myself with the word ugly at any time period in my life. 

I am extremely grateful that I grew up in an environment where I was imbued with so much confidence. It has been a priceless gift to be loved at home. If you grow up hearing how fabulous you are, the side effects of that might be a little bit of delusion. You might first be shocked when you get to a place where people think you are ordinary. But after the initial shock, you quickly get over that, because that seed of self-belief that has been planted in you has taken root so deeply that it is difficult to uproot it. You start to see the extraordinariness even in being ordinary. In your own little corner, you still believe that you are wonderful in your normality. A million sunsets will not make sunsets less magnificent; one flower does not lose beauty because there are a million others just like it. I admit that this is easier to see when those who matter scream so loudly for you that it legitimately blocks out all the doubts that come up periodically.  

So, what is confidence? What makes a person confident? This is not only manifest in braggadocio, or in screaming loudly about who you think you are (although you absolutely should, if you want to).  Confidence can exist amidst vulnerability; it exists alongside fallibility. Although it seems more notable in expressions of exuberance, it comes in all forms. It is the solace in one's own space, the self-assuredness even in quietness; it is even sometimes the bliss in ignorance and the fulfilment in banality. It is the firmness in choices, the execution of actions even with shaky hands, the flexibility of character, the insistence on convictions even in difficult spaces, and sometimes even through silence. It is the comfort in just being. Simply put, it is the ease one has with oneself, no matter how it manifests. Being pleased with who you are, overall, in the different ways you exist at that present moment, that is what is incredibly sexy. 

I, of course, understand that life and circumstances might not always afford you the (head) space to be confident. I am also very conscious of the fact that it is impossible to feel your most confident every day. Some days, you just have to borrow confidence and put it on, nonetheless. Other days, you might not care about confidence and what she has to offer. But as much as you possibly can, tell yourself that you are who tf you are today; say the same thing to the different version of yourself upon their arrival tomorrow. 

When you stand before the throne of your mirror, be sure to acknowledge that you are in the presence of royalty... scratch that, you are in the presence of a deity. May your reign last a lifetime.