The Marvellous Misadventures of Misogyny (Part 1)

Misogyny has a really busy schedule. He works on and off the clock and doesn't take any days off. When I hear about Misogyny's exploits, I marvel at his relentlessness. Misogyny is ubiquitous. Able to dominate different spaces both silently and boldly, inserting himself into every type of situation, even in matters that concern him little.

My mother is at a shop trying to buy a couple of grocery items. A man is trying to buy some as well. He says he will be the one cooking dinner at his house tonight, and as such, no one else will be eating what he cooks. My mother asks him if he eats when his wife cooks; he says yes, but that is different. Misogyny whispers in his ears, and with the confidence of a fool, he says out loud that that is the job of a woman. My mother tells him that she often sees his wife at work, pushing a wheelbarrow and selling eggs. That is of little concern to this man. He tells my mother that he finds it rather embarrassing that his wife should be seen doing such a job. My mother asks if he gives her any money. Misogyny probably makes him wonder why my mother should ask such a stupid question. Of course not! He responds again, with only the type of confidence that stupidity brings. Why should I give her money when I buy the food at home? Misogyny conveniently forgets to explain to him that since his wife is in charge of domestic affairs, what he is providing is more than likely not enough, especially given that they have growing children. My mother takes it upon herself to explain this. She tells him that growing children need protein, and that there is no doubt that what his wife earns from her "embarrassing" job (no matter how little) is contributing immensely to the sustenance of the home and children. He is adamant that he is the provider. Misogyny blinds him from seeing reason. My mother realizes she is in front of a fool, and that only silence will suffice. She ends the conversation by telling him that if she were to come any closer to him, she would be tempted to pull his ears so that he would have no choice but to hear reason. 

Another exciting day at work for Misogyny! On a University Campus in Nigeria, the medical students are preparing for their graduation. A conversation ensues between two students, a young man and a young woman. The young man is in the middle of asking her what her plans for the future are. Misogyny, out of breath from running after his common sense, screams at him to stop asking such a foolish question. The young man stops himself quickly in his tracks. Oh, I forgot, he says. This doesn't concern you. You can't decide now until you're married. Misogyny nods in agreement. 'Cus why would one think a young woman could possibly have other plans that might derail her true calling in life?

It's a hot afternoon in Europe, and I'm having a somewhat unattractive conversation with a rather attractive man. Based on the conversations we've had so far, he seems quite alright. Misogyny doesn't seem to have an overwhelming hold on him. But we all know that no one works harder than misogyny, so it might only be a matter of time. I'm indulging him on this particular afternoon, on the subject of kids, because why not. I tell him it doesn't particularly interest me, the idea of having them. He tells me to play along, think of names to give my kids, should I have them. I tell him I have two names that are meaningful in both our ethnic languages. I tell him the names; he is excited at the prospect, but then he seems unsettled. Which of the ethnic names would the kid go by when they are asked? I respond with "technically both, to represent both parts of their identity". Misogyny clouds his basic comprehension. You know Misogyny, always too busy causing mayhem to allow for simple, logical thought. But, he responds confusedly, "I don't want the child to have an identity crisis when they're asked where they're from". I'm starting to seem exasperated. Why would they? I respond rhetorically. Is it 'cus we've allowed kids to retain only their father's identity for the longest that you cannot even fathom the possibility of the two co-existing? He smiles at me and doesn't really respond. I am left without answers about what misogyny ended up doing that afternoon.

I am having another conversation with this man. We are talking about the company he is trying to build. I jokingly tell him to give me a call when the company finally fully takes off. He assures me that without a doubt, he would. He is well aware of what I study, and I am constantly talking about EU law. However, with the type of diligence that I can only dream of having, Misogyny causes him to temporarily forget. "You can help out as my secretary", he adds with excitement. My reaction is knee-jerk. "Excuse you", I say to him. He lowers his eyes. Misogyny must have had other things to do on this fateful day because he immediately releases him from his grip. It's true, it's true, I'm sorry, he says. You can work as a lawyer for the company. I tell him it is best he keeps this hypothetical job offer to himself. 

Misogyny is especially chuffed when a young Nigerian doctor is posted to a military hospital for her year of compulsory national service. The military is the kind of place where misogyny thrives. There, the students of the school of misogyny come out sharpened and ready for action.

The men at this hospital start to make advances at the young doctor. Men of different ranks. 

The young doctor feels she has no choice but to accept the invitations of the higher-ranking officers. Ultimately, she will be harassed. Better to obtain protection from the powerful, if you can.

Misogyny smiles at this victory. In a patriarchy, the women might often feel like they have no choice but to play the game of the dominant. It is, after all, survival of the fittest. Kill or be killed.

It is the inebriation from this same type of victory that misogyny feels when, after her graduation, a young woman who has been working as an interior decorator at a company, and who had been promised a permanent role as soon as she completed her year of service, is called into the office by her boss. She is excited to finally get the official confirmation for the permanent role. Misogyny has brighter and better plans for this beautiful young woman. Her boss tells her he likes her. He is a very wealthy man, and should she become his mistress, she would not need to work. He is painting the picture of the type of life that misogyny tells men that women easily have access to because they all can and want to sleep their way to the top. A wonderful apartment, a monthly stipend, trips abroad. This young lady is horrified. She wants to work. She understands that he who feeds you controls you.

There is not really a choice for this young lady. She is stuck between a rock and a hard place. Unemployment, or involuntary sex work. She decides she will stay unemployed. Misogyny wins either way, so it's a job well done for him, regardless of her choice. 

Tomorrow, when Misogyny tells the story, he will forget to mention that what that young doctor would have preferred is to be able to get to work comfortably in a space where she will not be harassed. He will make sure to teach the young men words like hypergamy and tell them that women are coasting through life by being able to pick the best of men. 

He will make sure to tell them that young women do not have to, nor do they want to, work in order to earn a living. He will make sure to point out the privileges of having a vagina.

The same privileges that afford women luxury at the snap of a finger, alongside the humiliation of being called sl*t, h*e, bop, or whatever variant misogyny is churning out these days.

The same privileges that make men devalue higher education now that it seems that more and more women are college-educated. 

The same privileges that make men see a woman obtain her doctorate degree and flood her with hate messages, letting her know that nobody cares about it, and that it has never been a criterion for men to pick women. 

You know Misogyny, busy as a bee. There is a whole world to conquer, so of course, every day he is on the grind. Aspiring, perspiring. Employee of the month, of the year, of the fu*king century. 

You know Misogyny, in everything, everywhere, all at once.

You know Misogyny.

Stay tuned for more marvellous misadventures of Misogyny. There's an endless supply.